"The Flashing Soprano"

This article submitted by James Calvert on 2/28/00.

Topic: Give your tale a brief descriptive title

The Tale:

I once attended a concert by the great Spanish soprano, Montserrat Caballé, who had a beautiful voice but was a very large woman. For a "slimming" effect, she wore a blue gown with a kind of over-garment of black that fell in two side panels on the front and revealed the blue underneath. In the local news recently had been accounts of "flashers," or men who expose themselves to passers-by. At the beginning of the concert, one of the lights above the stage burst with a loud bang and a very bright flash. Caballe stopped singing and, thinking that someone had taken a flash picture, came to the front of the stage and addressed the audience: "I ask that you not take pictures. My eyes not so good, so please, no flash." There was an uncomfortable silence, as we were being rebuked for an infraction that had not occurred. The pianist started up again, but we then noticed that Caballe had turned away from the audience and that her shoulders were shaking. She stopped the pianist and turned around to address us once again. Giggling, she said: "Please - when I say 'no flash,' I not mean" - and she then delicately parted the front panels on her gown, simulating someone exposing himself. The audience gasped and then burst out laughing. Caballe tried to continue the recital but kept breaking up, which made us laugh more, which made her laugh even more. Finally, order was restored and she proceeded to give a wonderful concert.

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