Three years ago I took this gig a backing up an Elvis impersonator in a town about 50 miles outside of my home town in Alabama. I had just started driving and I had no clue what meant where as far as local highways, so I figured I should follow the people I was sitting in with. After about 8 rehearsals and getting everything Vegas tight, horn section and BG vocals included, the day came for the show. So I leave 45 minutes early to meet the guys I was to follow, and sure enough I got lost.
I showed up 5 minutes late...nobody was there.
I waited 30 minutes...nobody came.
I drove 30 minutes back to my hometown (suburb of the place the rest of the band was from)...I get a call from the guitarist and he's screamin my ear off. And so, being my naive young musician self, I buckled under his shouting, got in my POS Chevy truck and hit the road with some scribblings on a post it and a heavy foot.
So I'm cruising about 10 mi over the limit, and sure enough...in a jurisdiction less than a mile...I was spotted by the one cop on duty for Owens Crossroads Alabama (DMV, City Hall, Courthouse, Police/Fire and Rescue Departments, not just in one building, in one ROOM).
So with a $175 ticket in my pockett I continued up winding mountain roads, and the old Chevy started to over-heat.
After an hr. of stopping every 15min to let the old beast cool down a bit I finally got to the place...A biker rally. But they weren't even the interesting kind of bikers either...they were the sissy mid-life crisis wanna-be-hells-angels bikers, reving their Valkaryes like it was something to be heard....
So the act had been waiting for me, everyone helped me set up, and as we brought in the first tune (the usual elvis intro, 2001 into that price is right sounding thing)...zilf, and there was darkness over the land...
WHAT KIND OF MORON PUTS AN 11 PEICE BAND/PA ON ONE CIRCUIT!?!?!?!?!? The guy who was yelling at me earlier that day, no less...so I have to plug into a guitar amp, because it was fine before I got there...
So we played the show seamlessly from that point on...well except...I might as well not have been there! I couldn't hear me any better than the audience...well either way, finished, packed up, drove a 2hr. drive home in 4hr.s due the engine problems I aquired on the way...got in at 3AM...a school night....
Now, apply the fact that I did the gig PRO BONO to all above circumstances....
Moral? Never play for free (cash on the spot, check in advance), and CARPOOL!!!
John J. Hull
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